Grandletters

Program Instructions

Background

Changes in society and family life may disrupt this important relationship between grandparents and grandchildren. Grandchildren may be separated from their grandparents by distance or by divorce. Social attitudes may quietly erode values that strengthen relationships between elders and children.

Not wanting to interfere, a grandparent may think, "Don't get involved -- stay out of it. Childrearing is the parents' job," or "I don't want to pressure them to let me visit? -- they have lives of their own to live." Hidden within these statements is an underlying belief that children and elders do not really need contact with each other, or if they do, elders are powerless to influence the lives of the younger generation. Somehow we must reestablish and support the vital connection between older adults and children.

Contact with people of all ages enriches our lives. Children have much to learn from their elders. Seniors benefit from their involvement with children by establishing a connection with the younger generation and by knowing theirs is an important role.

The Program

An elderly adult who "adopts" a grandchild can also use the program. A child who has no natural grandparents may enjoy being a pen pal to a special, older friend.

By using the mail or computers to share their thoughts, feelings, and experiences related to specific topics, grandparents and grandchildren can draw closer together, learn from each other, and build a reservoir of happy memories.

By trying some of the suggested activities, grandparents and grandchildren will discover more about each other. Grandparents will gain the satisfaction of knowing their ideas are being conveyed to impressionable young people. As shown by research, children who have a close relationship with their grandparents are less likely to have negative stereotypes of senior citizens or the fear of growing older.

Making the Program Work

Materials Needed for the Program

• Two copies of this publication, P1589 Grandletters Program Instructions (one for grandparent and one for child's parents)
• One copy of P1591 Grandletters/Grandparent Letters (for grandparent)
• One copy of P1590 Grandletters/Grandchild Letters (for grandchild and parents)
• Two scrapbooks (grandchild makes one; grandparent makes one)
• One journal (grandparent makes entries in this personal record)

Topics and Order of the Letters

• Affection and friendship
• Family and heritage
• Generosity and love
• Responsibility and courage
• Respect for elders
• Honesty and commitment
• Helpfulness
• Competition and justice
• Conflict and violence
• Sadness and grief

Instructions to Grandparent

• Choose one grandchild, 7 to 12 years old.
  Pick one who doesn't visit you too often and who would benefit from the exchange. If this grandchild has brothers or sisters who are also in this age range, reduce the possibility of jealousy by starting with the oldest child. Explain to the others that you hope to repeat the program with them later.
• Contact the grandchild's parents about the program.
  Some of the child's activities will require the parents' involvement. Send a copy of this publication and the Grandchild Letters (P1590) instructions to the child's parents, describing the program and how they can help (described in detail in the later section Instructions to Parents). Encourage the parents to contact you if they have any questions.
• Decide how to correspond.
  For the letters you write to your grandchild, you may write them by hand, type them on a typewriter, keystroke them on the computer, or tape them with an audiocassette recorder.
• Decide how often to correspond.
  Try to correspond at least once every 2 weeks. Allow sufficient time for the correspondence to arrive at the child's home.
• Plan the letter.
  Read through the Grandparent Letters (P1591) instructions carefully, paying special attention to the suggested content of the first letter. Complete the checklist of activities. Discuss your ideas about the key topic in your letter, and ask your grandchild to do the same. Do as many of the additional, optional activities as you wish, and include anything you think relates to the topic. Before sending your letter, listen to or read your letter to make sure you have made your points clearly.
• Send your letter.
  Address and mail the material directly to your grandchild, or e-mail it if you are both using computers/printers.
• Enjoy what your grandchild sends.
  Be aware of your grandchild's reactions to the activities, and be flexible in your future planning. Be patient. Correspondence may take longer to complete and send than you expected. If the delay is more than 2 weeks, contact the child's parents to work on resolving the problem. If the child loses interest completely, don't become discouraged. Choose a different child and begin again.
• Follow up.
  During the program, record your feelings, thoughts, and reactions in a journal (see the later section Scrapbooks and Journal). At the conclusion of the program, let your grandchild's parents know what the program has meant to you.

The Parents' Role

Instructions to Parents

• Read the materials carefully.
  The grandparent will send the instructions for the grandchild's letters directly to you. Contact the grandparent for answers to any questions about the program.
• Introduce the idea of the program to your child.
  Be sure your child understands the program and is willing to participate.
• Tell your child that the grandparent will send him or her a series of letters.
  In each letter, he or she will hear stories about the grandparent's life and will get ideas for fun activities.
• Tell your child that he or she will keep a scrapbook of drawings, pictures, and letters from the grandparent.
  Get your child a three-ring notebook or a similar folder for holding these mementos. You may help your child with the scrapbook.
• Explain to your child that the grandparent will tell him or her what to put in each return letter.
  With each letter from the grandparent, the child will receive instructions for fun activities to do and ideas to write about in his or her return letter. Help your child carry out the activities.
• Remind your child to send his or her own letter back to the grandparent.
• Encourage your child to talk about the letters received and sent.
• Tell your child to ask for help from you if needed.
  Encourage your child to ask you questions, and be available with answers.
• Provide support as needed.
  For example, you may help gather writing materials; locate, borrow, or buy an audiocassette recorder; purchase audiocassette tapes; help with packaging and mailing letters; or help with receiving and sending e-mails.
• Give any encouragement, ideas, and help necessary to sustain your child's interest in the Grandletters program.
• Explain the program to your other children.
  Tell them the grandparent can only do this correspondence with one child at a time. Other children in the family can have a turn later.

Scrapbooks and Journal

You and your grandchild will each make your own scrapbook. The scrapbooks are samples of work and thought that both you and your grandchild can enjoy immediately. Get a three-ring notebook or similar folder to hold your grandchild's letters. In this scrapbook, include drawings, pictures, and letters your grandchild sends you. At the end of the program, your grandchild will have a scrapbook containing all the materials you sent to him or her.

The journal will be a personal record of your thoughts, feelings, and observations about each correspondence. Your journal entries will contain a variety of issues, an opportunity for you to reveal what you believe to be important to a grandchild as he or she reaches adulthood. You may write in your journal immediately after completing a letter and again after receiving your grandchild's letter, or you may wait to write in the journal until after you receive your grandchild's letter. Your journal entries may vary.

Your reactions may be handwritten in a notebook, written on a computer and printed out, or recorded on an audiocassette tape.

Direct your comments to your grandchild as though he or she were an adult. Imagine him or her as a grown-up, sitting and reading your words, feeling close to you despite the passage of many years. The journal is a time capsule, a precious record of you to be appreciated by an adult grandchild.

At the end of your correspondence program, make a copy of your journal for yourself, if you wish, and give the original to the child's parents for safekeeping. Ask the parents to store the journal and present it to your grandchild when he or she reaches adulthood. This record of a grandparent's interest and affection will be appreciated most fully as an adult.

The scrapbooks and the journal will be special treasures with lasting value. They will bring you closer to your grandchild and will keep you in contact with him or her as time goes by. This program will help you and your grandchild build a firm and lasting relationship despite the distance that separates you.

Suggestions for Continued Contact

Here are some suggestions of ways to keep in touch:

• Continue to write letters.
• Continue to exchange cassette tapes.
• Send postcards.
• Send inexpensive gifts.
• Make phone calls.
• Use e-mail.
• Plan a visit.
• Send the parent other things to store and give the child later when he or she becomes an adult.

Evaluation of Grandletters Program

Distributed in Mississippi by Louise E. Davis, Ph.D., Extension Child and Family Development Specialist, School of Human Sciences.

Adapted from materials published by Cooperative Extension Service, Kansas State University.

Publication 1589
Extension Service of Mississippi State University, cooperating with U.S. Department of Agriculture. Published in furtherance of Acts of Congress, May 8 and June 30, 1914. Ronald A. Brown, Director

(rev-1M-5-00)