Helping Children Deal with Separation  p.110-115

¨     Between the age of four to five months, infants begin to realize that they are individuals and separate beings.

¨     As the child reaches the eighth month mark, he/she begins to show signs of becoming attached and fond of special adults around him/her. This fondness for those special people often make it difficult for the child to emotionally handle the special adult leaving or saying good-bye.

¨     Young children, between 10 and 16 months, are very adventurous and love to explore their curious new world. In fact, one week they might be so busy investigating that they do not notice the fact that their parents have left or are not around. While it seems that they do not notice, in fact they do notice and still need the support of their parents as they explore and investigate the new world

¨     After this phase, toddlers, about 18 months, will again begin to become much attached to their parents and not like it when they leave.

¨     Near 24-26 months children are capable of showing intense reactions to their parent’s separation, this includes becoming frightened. The child may show this by acting out such as kicking or screaming or the child may just whimper and shy away from the caregiver.

¨     Once the child reaches preschool age he/she can better understand the provider’s explanation of why the parent left and where they are. In addition, the child can understand that the parent will be back to come and get them.

Strategies for Helping Children Handle Separation:

¨     Become partners with the parents by both parties maintaining contact with each other and updating the other with new information or special concerns.

¨     Help the parents to understand that they need to make sure to say good-bye each time they leave. This helps the child to obtain a sense of security because they then know that their parents are about to leave but that they will come back to pick them up.

¨     Encourage the parents to maintain a good-bye ritual so that the child knows that the parent is leaving and is not confused or upset.

¨     Listen to the feelings of the child and do not disregard their emotions.

¨     A helpful hint to both the child and child care provider is to make the child feel as comfortable as possible by establishing a warm, welcoming environment. By giving the child his/her own space to store his/her own stuff and creating a private space just for them you have made the child feel welcomed. Also, hang pictures of families to give a sense of home and enable the child a reminder of their parents.

¨     Establish a daily routine with the child so that they can look forward to something every time their parent leaves and helps to establish a comfort zone.

¨     Talk to the children about their parents during the day to establish a trusting relationship and to help the child not feel bad about their parent having to leave.

¨     Help the parent to understand the confusing behavior of the child at the end of the day. Tell them that it is normal for a child to be excited to see their parent yet not want to leave their friends or finish playing.

¨     Try to remind the parent to remind the child of the routine at the child care provider’s home and you also try to remember the routine so that it does not change daily and confuse the child.

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